Wednesday 13 May 2015

चतुष्पदी (Quatrain)-1

रात ढली तो सही , पर ख़ुमार बाकी था

मदहोश थी तुम, मैं भी मदहोश था

इस तरह डूबे थे हम, तुम्हारे आगोश में

उदय होने का, सूरज को भी आक्रोश था.

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सर्वाधिकार सुरक्षित/त्रिभवन कौल
Raat dhali to sahi, pur khumaar baaki tha 
madhosh thi tum, mein bhi madhosh tha
is taran se doobe the hum, tumahre aagosh mein
uday hone ka, sooraj ko bhi aakrosh tha.
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12 comments:

  1. Ramkishore Upadhyay सुन्दर भावपूर्ण ,,बधाई आदरणीय
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    Indira Sharma sundar

    via fb/YUSM on 14-05-2015

    ReplyDelete
  2. Om Prakash Shukla सुन्दर भाव बेहतरीन सृजन
    सादर नमन् अभिनन्दन
    ---------------------------------------------------
    Vijay Mishr Daanish सुंदर भावों की अभिव्यक्ति

    via fb/yusm 14-05-2015

    ReplyDelete
  3. Pawan Batra aadarniy ati sundr
    --------------------------------------------
    Chhaya Shukla आप की समर्थ लेखनी से सृंगगारिक मुक्तक का सृजन हुआ है ।
    बहुत बहुत बधाई

    via fb/YUSM 14-05-2015

    ReplyDelete
  4. Ranjna Nautiyal वाह
    ------------------------------
    Rameshwer Singh Sunder.
    -------------------------------------------
    Shailesh Gupta वाह.... क्या बात....
    ----------------------------------------------
    Vinita Singh bindaas kya baat
    ---------------------------------------------
    via fb/purple pen

    ReplyDelete
  5. Indrajit Ghoshal
    Khub sir
    ---------------------------------------
    Meetu Kapur
    सुंदर
    ----------------------------------
    Menika Sajwan
    Khub kha sir

    via fb/PC 14-05-2015

    ReplyDelete
  6. rameshsinghal Yesterday, 16:36
    क्या खूब ?

    via verdurez

    ReplyDelete
  7. Hari1941 Yesterday, 17:08
    Uday hone par sooraj ko bhi 'aakrosh' ki jagah 'afsosh' kaise rahega Sir. Lo and behold I am also on a learning curve now. We have you and babu the regular poets in our midst and it will be naive on my part to even suggest a change.hahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
    But you can floow what Tagore did. many a times his friends suggested to change one word or line and he readily agreed to do so to please them but the final script was what he had written.

    via verdurez

    ReplyDelete

  8. Dear Hari Bhai : you are very right. A change in a word, a comma makes a lot of difference to a poem or a written feelings. 'Afsos' gives a feeling of sadness which the sun does not feel as it has to rise compulsorily. 'Aakrosh' is severe anger which the sun is feeling (having disturbed the lovers )as has it been in its hands, it would not have risen as all. Thanks for your thoughtful comment. Love that.
    And please don't call me Sir, dear Hari Bhai

    ReplyDelete
  9. akm15 Yesterday, 17:37
    Good poem.It reminds us of our gone days of youth.

    via verdurez

    ReplyDelete
  10. Ishita Yesterday, 20:30
    V appreciate you posting in Romi script alongside...

    via verdurez

    ReplyDelete
  11. Seharyar Khan Uncle ji its reminds me movie sangam
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    Ramkishore Upadhyay वाह वाह
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    Manoj Kamdev Sharma Wah ji wah

    via fb/24-05-2015

    ReplyDelete